Author: Brandon Livelsberger

Darkness of Depression

February 7th, 2025
“The Darkness of Depression is real even when you are living in light Of God’s grace,” (Hodges, Out Of the Cave, 2021, 2)

Before being diagnosed with depression thinking to myself depression it is only sadness I should just get happy. Then, shortly after my grandmother passed I came to learn that depression was real and it was something I had to learn to conquer or it will conquer me. So I said to myself if I just be happy it will go away. If I just increase the joy in my life the depression will just God away. I remember thinking to myself, I do not have a right to be depressed why is God doing this to me? Why can I not just be happy if I just have Jesus I should be happy, but I’m not. Than I was reminded of the words of Jesus, “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world,” (John 16:33). I read these words of Jesus and thought and prayed what does ths say about my depression. Ok so I remembered thinking if I Just have Jesus the depression will not be there.

For too long, I believed the lie that I had to be strong even though Paul tells me, “my power is made perfect in my weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9). Paul tells us that it is ok to be weak so that our weaknesses could be a divine conduit for his strength to work in us and through uis to accomplish His purposes for His glory and our Good.

Lesson from Living with Depression
- It is ok to not be Ok.
- Depression does not mean the absence of God but an invitation to draw near to Him. James reminds us that if we just draw near to God, he will draw near to you (James 4:8).
- Admit your weaknesses so God can work through them to strengthen you.
- We can overcome because He overcame.
- Allow God to work in and through ones depression and weaknesses.
- Often in our weaknesses and times of depression, God is developing something in you that others may need in their time of hurt.
The battle is real and step 1 acknowledges that the battle is real as Jesus said, “in this life you will have tribulations.” The living bible quotes John 16:33 as, ” The Father is with me. I’ve told you all this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace. In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I’ve conquered the world.”

I remembered Isaiah saying, “He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not,” (Isaiah53:3). Jesus is a man who understand what it is like to be low but He also knew God was always higher than his earthly situation. In John 11:35 we read , “Jesus Wept,” and than…,people said, “But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man also have kept this man from dying?” in verse 37. How many of us fall into depression because we think God should have acted when he did not? Verse 41 continues So they took away the stone. And Jesus lifted up his eyes and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me….Verse 44, The man who had died came out, his hands and feet bound with linen strips, and his face wrapped with a cloth. Jesus said to them, “Unbind him, and let him go.” Sometimes, when we think it’s over, God is just beginning to work a miracle. In depression if we are only focusing on the darkness we might miss the light of God’s miraculous power. Don’t miss what God is doing by only focusing on what we think God should be doing. Hebrews 13:5 reads, ” “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”’ One of the greatest truths to hold on to in the mist of depression is that God is with Us and will never leave us alone to struggle. He’s not done.
A Divine Purpose

August 7th, 2022

For many years I asked the question what is my purpose in life. What am I called to do and what is my reason for living? Why was I put on earth? Am I even able to do what it is that I am called to do? People ask, “God if your there why did you make me and what is it you want from me?”

Asking these questions and not having any answer left me in a dark place asking what’s the purpose of living? I soon learned that the loss of purpose led me to loose my will to live. Once while in darkness no hope left i tried to take my life and considered it several times. I was hanging on to a single thread of hope and little by that thread was coming undone? You never no how scary the feeling of hopeless is until you feel it for yourself. Living in despair without purpose was the scariest place I ever had in to be.

I soon learned while in the walls of a psychiatric hospital for the second time that my life was going no where I needed help. I was buying the lie that the only destiny for me was death. Satan was feeding me the lie that it wasn’t going to get better so what is the point in trying. As time went on i learned four key elements to discovering and living out my purpose. These are essential to everyone’s purpose in life.

1. Love( Mathew22:34-40)

³⁴Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. ³⁵One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: ³⁶“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

³⁷Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’^[a] ³⁸This is the first and greatest commandment. ³⁹And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’^[b] ⁴⁰All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

All though God made us different every are called to love. If you are living a purpose that is focus on yourself its not of God. “Even the Son of man came not to be served but to serve and to give his life as a ransom,” (Mathew20:28). Serving in love is the umbrella purpose it is what everything hinges on. Every Christian is called to love people that is our general purpose. Who we focus on and the way God has us pour into what makes his General purpose for man our special unique purpose for us as individuals.

“Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.”
‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13:13‬ ‭NLT‬‬

2. Endure(Gal6:9)

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

God does not want us to give up. God wants us to stay strong and stay true to him. Often out of our greatest weakness Gods greatness is revealed to us. Often he uses our weakness to show us our purpose. Often its the places we never want to go to the least God wants to use the most. CS Lewis Once said, “Hardahips often prepared ordinary people for extraordinary destinies”.

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope, (Romans5:3-4).

It’s in our trials God makes and molds us into who we are meant to be in order to do what he wants us to do. It’s in the wilderness God develops in us what we need to full fill his divine destiny. Some times its in the places we dont want to be God prepares us to go where he wants us to be our divine destiny.

Everyone of us have a battle to endure. Satans answer is give up and die but God calls us to endure. Many times God uses the seasons we dont want to go through to reveal what it is he wants US to do. It’s because of me weaknesses i was on a quest to get better and stronger.

My quest led me to places I didn’t want to go but it became a Devine ingredient to who I was met to be. Out of my mess God creates a message of redemption and hope. A testimony Of the greatness of God. God doesn’t want us to struggle but sometimes his struggles can be a door way to greatness.

If it wasn’t for my struggles leading me to counseling i would of never found my purpose to help others. I believe my purpose is to give back to others what God has given me. I never could except what God want to give me until realized my need for him. Pastor Paul Tripp puts it this way, “God will take you where you haven’t intended to go in order to produce in you what you couldn’t produce in yourself.”

3. Worship (1Chronicles16:23-31).

We all worship something. Everyone of us were made to worship God for all he is. That is what we were Made for to worship him. To love him and be loved by him. We are made to proclaim his goodness, grace and mercy. Our lives should be a response of gratitude for all he is and what he has done. My purpose to give and serve purpose stems from what was given to me.

Our lives are suppose to be a reflection of the goodness of God. It’s when i worship him his strength in dwells in me empowering me to live our my purpose, (V27).

Our life is suppose to be an offering,(V29). We should give him everyone thing in because he gave us his everything.
A hopeful sign

December 20th, 2020

As I sit here tonight thanking God for all he has done for me And promises to do for me. It was very hard To be away to be away for 16 months. Was definitely an active faith. God was developing something in me that was slacking and hindering me from doing what he has called me to do. God does his best work in the dark. Remind me don’t think God is working he is really working the greatest. The people in Bethlehem that night saw a baby laying in the manger not knowing it was God fulfilling his promise made 1000’s a year in advance.

. They just saw an ordinary baby. Never would they know they were looking at the savior of the world. Can you imagine spending years Following a star in the sky expecting something extraordinary only to find what they thought was less than ordinary. They had to go through the ordinary In order to discover and experience the extraordinary. God Was building their faith in order for them to experience the miracle that was about to be revealed before their very eyes. Just as they fallowed a sign that didn’t make sense to the natural it took them on a journey through the supernatural. I also had to take a Journey that didn’t make sense but led me to greatness. For the last couple months there has been another word God has been putting in my mind these last few months. That word is hope. WhILE I was still living in darkness I find myself hopeless which led to meaningless which leads to destruction but it turns out my problem what is that I was looking for Hope in all the wrong places. Leading me to feeling more hopeless. A hopeless life is one that leads to death and destruction But I am thankful that one dark Night the light of the world came unexpectedly. In the most unlikely place and situation Hope was born. Sometimes we have to Go through the ordinary to prepare us To experience the extraordinary CS Lewis put it this way “hardships prepare ordinary people for extraordinary destiny. Often when we Journey through the darkness it prepares us to embrace the light. Darkness increases our appreciation of light. Many of times walking through the darkness makes us appreciate the light. It’s the Wiseman didn’t experience the journey They may not have experienced the destination the same. Just like the Wiseman I was sent on unexpected Journey through teen challenge to prepare me for what he has for me. After being away last Christmas I am know This year was full of wonder. I believe that not because of What I have done but because of what was done for me one cold Night a child was born Hope was born Merry Christmas. No matter how dark The Journey The same light that led the wisemen on their journey is revealing a pathway to the savior is. still bright leading you along a path laid before hand by God in a destiny prepare for us specifically by God Himself

Merry Christmas

Author: Brandon Livelsberger

Darkness of Depression

A Divine Purpose

A hopeful sign